I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
