His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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