They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
