gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
