i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
