so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
