does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
