I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
