It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
