u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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