I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
