How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
