yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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