It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize