yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
