I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
