My nipple is on Facebook.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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