just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
