I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
