so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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