sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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