There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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