I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
