you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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