You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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