And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
