I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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