She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't deserve a penis
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize