so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I won the penis lottery.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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