Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
