I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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