Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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