Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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