I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You can't special order awesome
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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