So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
