He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize