she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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