ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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