We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
