What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
