I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
