Just fell off a train. Bad.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize