I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
