You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
