..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
