Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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