Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I smell like Dick and happiness
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
