I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
