i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
