I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
