Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
