Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
