I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
