so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
