I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
