On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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