guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
