we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
