she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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