I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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