i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had sex on a roof
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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