thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
