dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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