I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
