I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
