I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
