you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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