I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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