Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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