i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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