Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
