you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
our cab driver is having phone sex.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You pole danced in your parka.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
