So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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