Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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