I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
