Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
