Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
