man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
