I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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