Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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