yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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