everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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