I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
