I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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