I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
