After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
